Confessions Of A Cosmetologist

Me...on a diet.

2011-09-13T00:01:00.001-05:00

Ok...seriously?

It has been almost a year since I've blogged. That's majorly sad. But, ummm, it HAS been an amazing year!!!

The most exciting this is...I'm getting married in a little over six months!!! I never dreamed a year ago that I would be where I am now. As always, God had a few things up His sleeve and, as always, has made my life uber-interesting. There's never a dull moment!

In three months I have my dress fitting. Well that's just coming up way faster than it's supposed to...and I'm not as skinny as I want to be! I've got a lot of work to do. I've been'working on' changing my diet for several weeks now. I know apermanent change in my eating habits is what will keep the weightoff, and some say that is what is most effective in getting theweight off. But a lot of people say a lot of things. The weight isnot coming off. A shift towards healthier eating is not cutting it,not for me. It's going to take something a little (or perhaps a lot)more strict.

I maintain weight pretty well,especially if I eat fairly healthy. But I need something a littlemore drastic to get to a weight that I want to maintain. Some mightsay I'm wrong on this, some would also agree, regardless of whatanyone says, though, that's what I know will work for me.

This, I believe, is the secret togetting to and maintaining a healthy weight: knowing your body. Thereare hundreds, perhaps thousands, of books on dieting and healthyeating; even more can be found on the internet. There is so muchinformation that you could spend forever searching for the perfectdiet plan, just to find a contradiction to it. It's just downrightconfusing. But here's the thing: what works for one person may notwork for another. Many diet books are written by Medical Doctors(which I am not) and backed by scientific research (sorry, none ofthat here), many more are written based on personal experience. I cantell you what works for me, however, and it may not work for you. SoI'm not going to say “Here is the diet plan that will work! Here'swhat you need to do to loose weight! Follow these steps and watch thepounds melt off!” No, I don't have the answers.

I am here to tell you that you have tofind your own answers. You can't read this andgo away in a matter of minutes with the secret to happiness,well-being, and weight loss. No, it is a much longer journey thanthat. That's the bad news. But, through trial and error, you can find what works for you –and know your body better in the process.

The thought of the weight I need to loose seems almost overwhelming. Ihaven't been able to find a diet yet that delivers great results,much less the amazing results they all promise. I want easy, but easyhas yet to provide results. I'm also not going to get results bysimply researching diets. So I'm going tostart...something...anything...now. I'm going to try a diet, and seehow my body likes it.

I really wish I had figured all thisout several months ago so that I had more time for trial and error,more time to figure out what my body needs to loose weight, but Ididn't so I just have to work a little harder. That's okay, I've gotpretty great motivation (my wedding!)

So here's my plan:

Start a diet (any diet) and see how my body responds
Keep researching diet and nutrition
Tweak: keep what is working about that diet and toss what isn't (toss the whole diet if necessary)
Start back at Step 1

and I will continue this until I figureout just what it takes for my body to loose it...the weight, that is.

So my first diet trial: "The Slow-Carb Diet" from the book The 4-Hour Body by Tim Ferriss (http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/)

Basically this diet follows five rules...(http://gizmodo.com/5709913/4+hour-body-+-the-slow+carb-diet)

Rule 1: Avoid "white" carbs (or anything that can be white)

Rule 2: Eat the same few meals over and over again

Rule 3: Don't drink calories

Rule 4: Don't eat fruit

Rule 5: Take one day off per week and go nuts

This guy is not a doctor, but the "rules" are similar to many of the things I've read about 'skinny eaters' and the things I've been trying. So, pretty much, this is a more strict version of what I've been doing. Perhaps a little rigidity is what my body needs to get the weight off. We'll see. And if not, it's not the end of the world. I'll simply tweak it.

So...stay tuned!

The mile between yesterday and today...

2010-10-07T16:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was my 21st birthday. I got to spend the day doing some of my favorite things (i.e. shopping and eating) with some of my favorite people. It was an amazing day!

Today begins a new year of my life. That being so, I've spent today in somewhat of a thoughtful mood. I've got another year of life ahead of me...what do I want to do with it? I've also got another year of life behind me...and it was a very full year!

My last year was full of lots of lessons, lots of growth, and a couple firsts. There were highs and lows, tears and smiles. But most of all, my last year was full of blessings! It was a good year.

This year is going to be a good year too. In fact, it's going to be an amazing year...hopefully another year full of blessings.

"...I will bless you...and you will be a blessing." ~ Genesis 12:2

2010-08-17T22:48:00.000-05:00

So, you know how they say that God will not give us more than we can handle...I think perhaps that is the reason no big changes are coming my way right now (or at least one of the reasons) He knows I couldn't handle it! Hehe.

I thought this semester of school was going to be a breeze...basically just show up for four months and then be done. But no. I have more procedures (i.e. haircuts, color, styling) to do per week this semester than I have had ever before! We have two tests a week with lots of studying. Plus I have a business class that I'm not thrilled with. I am so looking forward to the subject matter, but I'm tired of being ripped off with textbooks! To top it all off, Christmas season is about to start at work, and let me say...I do believe all the stress and grouchiness and hubbub that comes with that time of year gets dumped onto our little studio!

I try not to complain too much, and so that was it for the complaining....I'm done. Haha. I know I will find my pace and get into a groove soon!

It's amazing how a few weeks can make you forget how busy things really get. I can't deal with big change right now! I'm still looking forward to it, I still want change...but for now I'm okay with just making it through to graduation...then I'll see what God's got for me from there.

"Not so fast Kelsa"

2010-08-16T23:04:00.000-05:00

Well, it looks as if change isn't coming quite as fast as I had hoped and I'm here in a time of waiting for a little longer than I would like. I don't know, really, what God has in store for me. The wait may not even be as long as it seems like it will be. All I know is that change is not happening now.

It's not that I hate my life. I'm very blessed! I just have that squirmy, uncomfortable, feeling. I'm just ready for something different, for something more out of life. Perhaps God is having me wait to be content where I'm at. Perhaps I've got more still to learn, first. Whatever His reason, I'm here and I'm going to make the best of it!

So while I'm waiting on the big changes
{a guy, a good/better/different job, and graduation}

I'm going to make little changes that take me farther from who I was and closer to who I want to be, and I'm going to try and learn to be at rest in Jesus' arms. All the change in the world can't put you in a better place than that!

Change...again

2010-08-13T01:13:00.000-05:00

Wow, life is full of change! I've been in a season of steadiness and smooth waters for a while. Well, there's been plenty ripples and rough spots, but the course has pretty much stayed the same. I've just been kind of going with the flow...

There was a guy: Things didn't turn out so well with that. There were exciting times, but always just kind of going with the flow, never really getting anywhere...so I pulled that boat out of the water all together.

There's been school: I enjoy school and what I do, but I'm so ready to be through! I've got one more semester, four more months! I know it really hasn't been that long that I've been in school (well, in the cosmetology program anyway) It's only been about a year, but again it's just been kinda going with the flow. I'm getting close to the end though!

There's work: Ah work, my love hate relationship with my job. It was challenging and exciting when I first started, there was a studio to save! My best friend/co-worker/boss and I turned things around and it was at one point exciting and rewarding. But alas, it has become another current to ride.

But now, change is coming. I can smell it like the crisp autumn air that will soon be upon us. There are a lot of decisions to make, pretty much life altering ones, and there are things that are coming to an end. I'm tired of going with the flow, I'm tired of the same old same old.

It has been coming for a while, I've made small changes that are slowly getting me there. But it's been baby steps. The next steps are going to be much bigger.

The next steps are going to be much harder too. Things are about to get more difficult, more challenging. But I love a challenge, I thrive on a challenge!

For now, I am in a (hopefully brief) time of waiting. I'm waiting to see what my next step will be, what opportunities will be open to me. Whatever the outcome, I'm off! No more riding the current, going with the flow, whatever decisions are made there WILL be change. There will also be more information later, and hopefully exciting news...but if you're feeling blah like I've been lately, take some time to sit down and assess where you're at and where you're going/want to go, and if you're ready for change - make it happen!

Seconds

2010-08-12T22:43:00.002-05:00

Seconds on the clock are ticking,

minutes passing by.

No stillness to linger

and listen to the solitary sound.

Breath is lost in all the hustle

and everything a blur.

Motions become the means

of making it to the end.

Days painted in hues

of blue and green.

An ocean in which to drown.

But the artist isn't finished.

Amidst the messiness of life,

beautiful blooms.

A solitary snowflake,

falling a little more each day.

Breath is lost in all the wonder

and everything brighter.

Love long hoped for

but better than dreamed.

Seconds on the clock are ticking,

adding minutes to the time.

Find the stillness to linger

and let the world keep passing by.

Enough

2010-08-12T22:40:00.000-05:00

Trapped in a world of snowflakes and ice,

Bound by the sands of time.

The saddest thing is,

You can sum up your life

In one single breath

Or one line.

What are you waiting for?

Live

Dream

Your moments are fleeting and few.

Why are you wasting the moments you have

Trapped in the splendor of you?

The things you desire seem so strong indeed

But if you give of yourself you'll gain love

The things that you want

Change to fit what you need

And the life that you have becomes enough.

2010-08-10T22:18:00.002-05:00

Me: Mom, is palpitations when you can feel your heart beating really hard in your chest?
Mom: Yeah
Me: Ok then, I just had palpitations.

I hear You...this time anyway.

2009-03-22T20:55:00.002-05:00

So, evidently God wants me to slow down. I'm just realizing that a lot I've read and heard lately has talked about how frenzied our modern lives are, how we should slow down and enjoy life, and how important relationships are. Our lives are go-go-go, but for all of our “efficiency,” it seems we have very little time. I suppose since we can get things done fast (and getting faster) we simply shove more and more into our lives, leaving little room for the truly important things. We end up flying through life so fast that we don't see what's around us, and how can we appreciate something if we don't even see it?
By “we” I suppose I really mean “I” because I've been living in a pretty frenzied way. Oh, I've been out soaking up the beautiful sunshine lately, but I've also been quite caught up in my 'life' and I don't like it so much. I want to enjoy each day that God gives me, appreciate the people in my life and love them like crazy. I want to open my eyes wider and see the traces of God's glory that He has left in the beauty of creation. I want to weed-out all the things in my life that are unimportant to me so that I can take a deep breath and truly live.

So yeah, that's just what's been on my mind the past couple of days and I think what God's been trying to get through to me for a while. I finally heard Him, but I have to wonder how many times He's telling me something and I don't hear. I guess I need to open my ears too

Tears for Tea

2009-01-22T17:42:00.001-05:00

Little girl dreams squandered on legendary love.

Moments waiting on the side-lines.

Watching, but

blinded by the bright hope of someday.

Rose colored glasses turn blue, and

the 21st of Never comes and goes.

Tears in the teacups, no party today.

Put away your dress and hide

under the covers where you won't be exposed.

Let the tears fall if they will, but

not for forever.

Run to Daddy, fall into His love.

Written on your heart with a flourish:

Forever.

Now wait in the throes of life,

painful and beautiful.

I promise it will work out.

A Quick Look At July

2008-08-05T14:31:00.000-05:00

July was a good month! I enjoyed spending time with my family and relaxing in the cool (compared to August) summer weather.
1 & 2- 4th of July! We spent the day working at the booth for our church at the town festival and enjoyed a spectacular fireworks show that night. Pictured: my Dad aka - Uncle Sam Ice Cream Man.
3. Dad took us out to see some of the churches where his Dad preached when my Dad was a kid. He's always told us stories about these churches, finally we see where the stories happened.
4. I tasted huckleberries for the first time...yum!
5. VBS! What a crazy week. We talked about discovering your dreams. It was a good turn out, and though tiring, a good week.
6. My friend Jessica visited. We had lots of fun hanging out and driving around. We went up to Highlands and had some yummy fudge!
7. We celebrated my friend Michelle's birthday in Atlanta. What a fun day!
8 & 9 - My Mom went to Texas for my cousin Megan's wedding. While she was gone my Dad set up our pool. Fun, fun!

Just For Fun

2008-07-31T13:10:00.000-05:00

"Everybody is doing it"

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you know me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.

A Neat Day

2008-07-03T17:09:00.005-05:00

Yesterday I spent much of the day babysitting a couple kids from church. I arrived at their house about 8 in the morning (early for me!) and left about 5:30. It was actually quite fun. The kids are so sweet! They play well together and they are pretty good about listening. Most of all, they are adorably sweet. While they were playing on the porch early in the day the little girl said "Thank you for coming to take care of me today" and came up and kissed my arm! Oh how that made my heart melt!

As the kids were eating lunch I was thinking about how much fun it will be to be a mommy. I know it will be hard work, but I so look forward to having kids of my own and taking care of them and teaching them about God...Which, by the way, these kid's parents are doing a good job of! When a kid initiates a "game" of naming things God created, that's a sure sign!

What a day it was, tiring, but very fulfilling! When you get to take care of kids as sweet as these two, you feel blessed.

What 3 Minutes Can Do

2008-07-02T14:38:00.005-05:00

Last semester (my first semester away at college) I discovered the best friend of the sleep deprived - power naps. It's amazing how much just 15 minutes can take me from feeling like a zombie to feeling recharged and ready to go! Well, I guess when you stay up until 2am and then get up at 6 you need something to get you going. hehe. That's a college student for you!

My friends and I have a joke that the only time you nap is when you are a baby/toddler, college student, and retired. From the little I've observed of life, it's quite true however!

So when I'm at school, in the midst of my crazy schedule, I take naps that are as long as I can get (usually 15 minutes, sometimes 30). But today, I discovered that just a 3 minute nap can do you (or at least me) wonders! I was sitting here at my computer reading through my Google Reader updates, about to fall asleep. I decided a 10 minute power nap would be great and set my alarm. However, I was awakened after 3 minutes by a package delivery. When I came back and set down at my computer I was actually able to keep my eyes open - what an improvement!

I just think it is amazing how God made our bodies so adaptable. Yes, it is best to get adequate sleep. But even when we can't, we don't completely shut down! By God's grace we can keep moving and going until we can get that extra bit of sleep we need. To me, it's so cool that God can use 3 minutes to change the whole trajectory of my day! He is amazing!!!

Change, and ME.

2008-06-28T23:14:00.004-05:00

It's funny how things change, how I change. A year ago I really thought I was me -set-in-stone, but I'm not the same person I was when I set off for college in January. It's like seeing the world through a whole new set of eyes. I've always heard the college-years are crucial developmentally, but I didn't ever realize that I'd be able to see the change. It's been very interesting.

And I'm still changing, every day I think. My ideas about life, my thoughts, and opinions are all taking shape. Take for example this blog: when I started it close to three years ago (wow, how can it have been that long?) I wanted to be heard by the world. Now, it's enough to be heard by my family and friends - who I'm coming to appreciate more and more as time goes by. Not that I'm not dreaming big anymore - there's a whole huge world full of need. But as the world grows bigger in my eyes, it's also growing smaller. I'm beginning to see the world more in terms of here, wherever I'm at, as opposed to "out there."

Anyway, this is me - a trip into my mind, my life. I'm loving life and living Abundantly Alive - and I want all of you to come along for the ride ;)

What If...

2008-04-08T19:44:00.003-05:00

What if I were to be as crazy about God as I am about guys???

What if I couldn't wait to share with my friends about a special moment between Him and I???

What if I thought about Him (and talked to Him) constantly???

What if the very thought of Him made my heart beat faster???

What if I wanted, more than anything, just to be around Him???

What if no matter what I tried I couldn't get Him off my mind???

What if everything reminded me of Him???

What if living without Him as part of my daily life was unimaginable???

What if I so cherished His love letter to me that I would spend hours pouring over it???

What if I loved Him so much that I would not only be willing to die for Him, but to live for Him???

I Miss Writing...

2008-04-03T02:59:00.002-05:00

So, another post about how I haven't written in so long...blah blah blah.

Seriously, I have been busy. It's really hard to believe it's April! My Mom's always told me that the older you get the faster time flies...and she's right. Time goes especially fast when you're really busy and having lots of fun!

Anyway, I miss writing...a lot. It almost feels like a part of me is dead. I miss the days when I could just sit down and write, and the words would fall so easily from my clear mind. Now my mind is quite messy, and by the time I get through with my homework it refuses to think anymore, even of something I love!

BUT, I am going to try to write more regularly...for me...I need it. Writing is my therapy, my way to get it all out and deal with the world, my way of being a part of the world. It's my way of saying "yes I am here" so that I believe I'm here. It doesn't really matter if no one else reads it, it's how I am reminded that I am alive!

My Poor Neglected Little Blog

2008-01-17T01:09:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been neglecting my blog...again. Things have been so amazingly crazy! I recently started attending Johnson Bible College and that has totally rocked my world!
I AM going to update my poor little blog soon hopefully. (I forgot I still had Christmas stuff up!)
But for now I want to share this:

This morning the Lord led me to this scripture: "...fan into flame the gift of God..." (2 Timothy 1:6) Think about the things God has given you (everything from talents to material things). Now, how can you use those things to bring glory to Him? Think about that and then start fanning the flame!

And Christmas Season Begins

2007-11-24T14:26:00.000-05:00

I'm nearing the end of my wonderfully wonderful Thanksgiving break. It's been nice to have a few days off from school, but I've got to go back in a couple days. Plus, now the Christmas season has begun and we all know what that means...crazyness!

My family is making gifts for each other again this year. It's really neat and makes the gifts more special, but I can't get away with knitting just the simple things (scarves, small shawls, leg warmers) again. I've got to (or I should say I want to) get creative, but the clock is ticking - the countdown to Christmas has begun!

It seems like every time Christmas rolls around I shake my head in wonder at how fast it has come...again. The crazy thing is, it seems to get faster every year. Is it age? Or is it as you grow older and get busier time flies faster? Either way, as time flies by me all the cool ideas for things I want to do, write, make, get forgotten. I then end up with a mind full of dreams and ideas that is constantly filling fuller...ahh, I've got to write things down more! Maybe, just maybe, if I do that I'll actually be able to say what I want to say without it being a big rambling jumbled mess ;)

Rejoicing Comes in the Morning

2007-10-18T15:35:00.001-05:00

I was going through the documents on my computer and found the two poems I just posted. I'm not sure when I wrote them, and why I was feeling that way but that doesn't matter. God brought me through my pain/discouragement as He always does.

"...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5 b

It only lasts a little while, a season of life...

"...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..." Ecclesiastes 3:4

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A side note on the awesomeness of God: I did not plan this post to go along with the theme "A Time For Everything" As I was writing I was thinking about how pain is only for a time...a time...a season...He lead me straight to Ecclesiastes, and there it was in chapter 3, verse 4. God had a plan for this post to coincide with my currently running theme, He lead me to those old poems. He wanted me, and you, to know that pain is only a season - His joy will come.

Tears Fall

2007-10-18T15:34:00.000-05:00

Tears fall silently as my heart is broken in two.
I want to run,
I want to scream why!?!
Why is my shadow the only one to be found?
Why are the things I cling to so tightly being ripped from my hands?
And yet, being truly abandoned to You
means not asking why.
So I look into Your face,
so full of love,
and find the strength I need,
To do what I know must be done.
Father, I trust You with all that I am,
You are my Everything.

Fly

2007-10-18T15:32:00.000-05:00

I'm surely not angel,
but if You'll help me I can fly.
Fly away from here,
all the darkness and despair.
Fly into Your arms,
where You'll hold me forever.
And I know
everything will be alright,
because Your love is all I need.
You have set me free,
And You are giving me wings to...
Fly away from here,
all the darkness and despair.
Fly into Your arms,
where You'll hold me forever.

A Perfect Birthday Verse

2007-10-17T12:39:00.000-05:00

Well...I wrote this on my birthday and completely forgot to post it! Only me!

-------------------------------------------

This morning I woke up and spent some time with God (which is, sadly, rare lately because I usually wake up just in time to get ready for class). I asked Him to give me a perfect birthday verse and opened up my Bible to: Haggai 2: 15-19. In the 15th verse it says "And now, carefully consider from this day forward..." I knew it was the right one. But as I read further I realized it was not what I was expecting to read.

*Go read it and see what I mean.*

"I'm not like these people, I haven't turned from God," I thought. But as I thought about it more I realized I wasn't in the exact same situation, but this still totally applied. I've been very caught up in school lately, trying to spend time with Him but failing. I've had my own little problems, not the mildew and hail the Israelites experienced, but little irritating things happening with school and I didn't stop for more than a quick "hello" with God.

Then it hit me, I realized the significance of this passage. Prior to picking up my Bible I spent some time in prayer, committing this next year to God. I was, allegorically speaking, building the foundation of the temple. Now I will bear fruit for God, and I have His blessing. I am determined to live for Him, I know I'll make mistakes and have ebbs and flows; but I also know that God is more important than anything I let come between us, and He's always there waiting for me to run back into His arms.

Ch...Ch...Ch...Ch...Changes

2007-10-01T19:53:00.000-05:00

Oh how I love this time of year! There are just enough leaves on the ground and nip in the air to give you that feeling of fall, and yet there are still some green leaves on the trees and the afternoons can get quite warm.

There is no other time like the beginning of fall, and yet as refreshing as it is to my spirit my human side can still find something to complain about...

This morning as I was getting ready I caught myself thinking about how I miss the days when I could just run out the door without a jacket. I couldn't believe myself. Not that it was a bad thought, but it was so contradictory to what I had previously been thinking that it surprised me.

That's just how change is sometimes. When it's not completely life altering and crazy-hard it is at the very least different. We may even enjoy the change, like I enjoy the change of season, but there is always that part of us that desires what we do not have.

Like all things, we must face change in prayer. We must trust God because He will supply all we need, and He will help us through the change. When we look into His face the things we don't have start to fade away as we see the His beauty.

A Time For Everything...

2007-10-01T19:22:00.000-05:00

I've been away for quite a while, but there is a time for everything - and now is the time for me to return and revive this little blog. I've started with a new look and a cute fall header, I will continue with more consistent posting and readership building. After all, what's the point of posting if no one reads it?

I do love to write and share my insights and thoughts, and that is why I am so thankful for blogs. What a wonderful way to share thoughts etc. with others.

Oh how many insights and thoughts, epiphanies and revelations I've had in my absence. It will take quite a while to catch up in sharing them, even still I'll never be able to fully catch up. But I will try.

I pray that this blog inspires and encourages you, and maybe even makes you smile.

What a wonderful thing to look forward to...

2007-04-29T21:09:00.000-05:00

"...No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." ~ 1 Corinthians 2:9
Wow, what an amazing thought that is! To think that we could sit all day and imagine how wonderful heaven will be, but never be able to really know. I guess it's just too wonderful for our human minds to comprehend; not when we look around at all the pain and suffering in this world.
How wonderful it will be to spend eternity in a place that has no pain or suffering, no tears or sadness, none of the junk that we have to deal with here! I don't know about you, but the hope of one day spending eternity with Jesus is enough to make me want to get out of bed in the mornings and face the world. It's enough to give me the courage to face another day. I know once my short time on this earth is over with I'll get to be with my truest love forever, and that's enough to make me want to live each day telling Him how much I love Him. It makes everything I have to face here seem like nothing.
Because when I look into His face, I know that nothing else could ever matter.

An Existence of Abandonment

2007-04-09T21:10:00.000-05:00

"'And do you seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them for behold, I will bring adversity on all flesh,' says the Lord. 'But I will give your life to you as a prize in all places wherever you go.'" ~ Jeremiah 45:5
Yeah, that verse seems kind of cryptic but something I read today broke it down and made sense of it...I'll give you the reader's digest version.

"And do you seek great things for yourself? Do not seek them..."
*Let me warn you, what I'm about to say was very convicting to me* We are not to seek God for what we can gain from Him....but simply for Him. This kinda goes back to the whole 'genie in a bottle' thing, and it's true. It's not fun to think about because it means that I've had the wrong motive for my relationship with God basically the whole time. It's going to be hard thing to change, but my prayer is that God will change my heart and cause me to desire HIM. I want a relationship with Him the way He wants it to be...

"But I will give your life to you as a prize in all places wherever you go."

...but to have a REAL relationship with Him, you have to be totally abandoned (surrendered) to Him. That is a hard thing to do! It took me a loooong time, and many, many tries to get it right...and still, I have much to learn. Total abandonment is giving everything to God. As Oswald Chambers says "Immediately you do abandon, you think no more about what God is going to do. Abandon means to refuse yourself the luxury of asking any questions."

To be abandoned to God is to live an existence totally trusting Him with all your desires and dreams, all your tomorrows, giving Him all you have to give and never looking back. As humans we want control, we want things to go our way, and it's so hard to let go of that control. Even once you have the desire to, your human-ness gets in the way and screams "noooo!" and it's a fight. But then after a while God whispers to you, and you know that He has such a better life planned for you than you could ever plan for yourself. You finally decide to obey Him, and to put Him before even you. Then it all clicks, and it's so simple to just give it all to Him.
Then you finally feel free from all the fretting and worrying and wishing...and you wonder what you'll do with all the time you spent doing those things. You have so much more time to give Him. The thing to learn now is how to live abandoned, the life that He gave you.

Your Wish Is My Command

2007-03-12T15:52:00.000-05:00

There's something God's been trying to tell me for a while, and today I FINALLY got it, it FINALLY clicked: God is not a genie in a bottle!!!

Okay, so I didn't really think that God was a genie in a bottle...but I was treating Him like one. Lately I've kind of gotten in the habit of praying laundry list prayers - "Lord, please help me..." "I really want..." on and on - and it's not such a good thing. Don't get me wrong, I believe God wants us to come to Him with our needs, desires, and dreams...but that is just part of having a relationship with Him. And if I only ever ask Him for stuff (whether it be physical stuff, His help, His protection, etc.) I'll never really have a relationship with Him.

It's kinda like this: There are several people that come in the video store (where I work) regularly to rent movies. After a while you get to where you know their faces, then their names, (sometimes even their account numbers). You talk to them, and say hi when you see them other places around town, you suggest movies to them and begin to take a general interest in their life. However, you don't really have a relationship with them because they come to the video store to get movies, and they may like the service they get ;) - but that's about it. But if there was a customer that started coming in just to see you, to spend time with you, to talk to you, and just be near you...well then, you'd start building a real relationship.

That's kinda how I see my relationship with God. If I always go to Him because of what I can gain from Him I'll never really build a real relationship with Him. But if I go to Him simply because I love Him, and want to be near Him, and talk with Him, and listen to Him...that's when I'll experience the most fulfilling relationship in the universe!

Trusting God

2007-03-01T13:45:00.000-05:00

As much as I desire to trust God, it's really hard sometimes. It's scary not knowing what will happen in the future, and even though God has always come through for me, sometimes I doubt that He can or will (even though some part of me knows He can and will). The thing I've been having a hard time trusting God with lately is money for college. I know He's going to provide a way for me to go to Milligan if it's His will for me to go there (which I really believe it is). It's just hard to trust when it is going to cost so much.

So anyway...I have a cool story and it just took all that to get to it Okay, so the other day I was having an inner struggle about trusting God. So I prayed that He would help me to trust Him more, and show me that I could trust Him. Right then the phone rang. It was a lady whose house recently burnt down. She was saying that her and her husband are doing really well...she's had a bunch of clothes given to her, they are renting a cabin, and she was talking about how God has taken something (their house burning down) that Satan meant for bad and has turned it into good. As soon as I hung up the phone it hit me, I knew God was saying to me "See, I take care of my children." It's just so cool how God works, and answers prayers...and how awesome He is!!!

A Change In Me

2006-10-20T14:25:00.000-05:00

In a post on Nov 25 ('05) I posed the question

Why do you have to be skinny to be beautiful - according to the world?

I have held this question in the back of my mind for almost a year, and pondered it. I never found an answer, so I just kind of let it go. But recently there's been a change that took place in me that made me realize that the answer to this question isn't really important.

I recently sent in an application to Milligan College, and the following was my essay for that application discussing the change that has happened in me. I hope you will be blessed by reading this!

------

I'm not much to look at according to the world's standards, and I've never really felt beautiful. But I've always known that I am a creation of God and that He delights in me, so I try to be content. It's really hard though because the world screams that I'm worthless because I'm not beautiful, and as an actress I've faced rejection because of the way I look. There's been times were I was determined to change the way the world defines beauty. What I didn't realize was: the only thing that needed to change was me.

I recently read In His Image, by Philip Yancey and Dr. Paul Brand, and reading it provoked the change -in the way I view myself, beauty, and even God- that needed to take place in me. It was the first section, about image, that had the biggest impact on me. It talked about how we are created to bear God's image, but to do that we have to shed our own. All the things that 'define' us, that make us of worth in the world's eyes, we have to let go of and embrace who God made us to be. It also talked about how it's harder for people who are beautiful to bear God's image, because they can rely on their beauty instead of trusting God. It had never crossed my mind that beauty could be a hindrance, and I began to realize that my physical appearance is part of God's plan for my life.

I'm not here on this earth to be adulated, I'm here to shine His light. So when people look my way I don't want them to see me. I want them to feel God's greatness: His mercy, love, grace, all that He is. This book made me realize that if I were beautiful, it would be hard for people to get past my appearance and see God. For the first time in my life, I'm more than content, I'm thankful that God made me...me.

Refocus

2006-08-15T10:15:00.000-05:00

Okay, the focus of this blog has been lost. It's all about me but it's name is "It's Not About Me"

I believe that God wants me to use my life experiences (the good, the bad, and the ugly) to make practical applications that will help other teenagers in their walk with Him. My initial idea was for the posts on this blog to fulfill that calling while being fairly informal, personal, and -most of all- focused on God.

Sadly, I've strayed from this ideal. I realized that when I looked at the titles of my last three posts; they all include "me" or "I" and that's not the way it's supposed to be!

So I am going back to what this blog was meant to be - not about me, but about God!!!

My Best Friend

2006-08-12T16:25:00.000-05:00

One thing that I've been really having a hard time with lately is friends - or the lack thereof. I'm usually okay with the fact that I don't really have many friends outside of church and that I don't really ever go and "hang out" with even them. But lately it's been really bugging me, and I've been feeling really left out because I don't go "out" very much. I thought that when I got my license I would go out more -and I do, but I figured I'd go out a lot more- and I don't. And it's really makes me feel like a freak sometimes.

I hope I don't sound too bitter, because I'm not. I have a great life, and I have fun. Satan just really likes to make it glaringly clear that I'm different. Being different is hard, but I know that (simply because you're reading this) you're probably different too. Maybe you have lots of friends and hang out with them all the time; but you're still different from the world and you probably still feel like a freak sometimes too. Am I right?

But you know, as much as I hate feeling like a freak; my best friend makes it all worth it. When I think about what an awesome friend He is, I don't feel so "poor, poor, pitiful me" because I'm different. After all, Jesus is a better friend than anyone!!!

Maybe I Should Join The Circus

2006-08-10T12:26:00.000-05:00

Not to brag, but I'm a master juggler. I start by gathering lots of balls. Not just any balls either; each one is quite remarkable, special in it's own way. Oh and did I mention I gather lot's of them? Then once I get each ball in place I begin to juggle. I throw each of the balls into the air and catch them just when I am supposed to...for about ten seconds. Then I somehow always manage to loose focus and drop the balls.

Okay, so maybe I shouldn't join the circus.

I'm not really a master juggler, or a juggler at all for that matter. But figuratively I do lot's of juggling. The balls I'm talking about are things like: classes, activities, work, commitments, etc.

This dropping of the balls is one thing I really don't like about myself. So this year I'm going to change it! I can't do it on my own strength though. But "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13 NIV (emphasis mine)

So, if you're like me and get really excited at the first of the school year only to loose interest. Know that you're not alone, but let's make this a year of seeing things through. It won't be easy, but I think we should heed the advise of Bret & Alex Harris and Do Hard Things

My Psalm

2006-08-03T17:54:00.000-05:00

In Bible class on Sunday mornings we've been studying Psalms. It's been really neat to dig deep into them and look at the background and true meaning of them. Our teacher asked us to write our own Psalm, so here's mine...

O Lord, my Lord
how awesome You are!
You hold the earth in the palm of Your hand,
and when You look down You see me.
You dance when I dance,
You laugh when I laugh,
and You cry when I cry.
You gather me with the sheep of Your pasture,
and we sing praise to Your name
O Most High.
Your love never leaves me,
and wherever I go You're there.
You have plans for me.
Plans for me to shine, to serve, to glorify Your name.
Plans for me to tell others of Your love.
So that they too will say,
O Lord, my Lord
how awesome You are!

It's really broad, and I like being more specific...so I'll make my next one more specific! =)

The Big Picture

2006-07-31T10:28:00.000-05:00

Wow, I haven't written in here in a while again! I'm not very consistent with this blog. I want to be, I'm just really busy. But, I have something I feel the need to write about now...

I have spent the last week at The Big Picture, at Milligan College. It was such an amazing experience!!! I learned so much, and God came through for me SO many times!
I learned a lot about the gospel of Mark, worship, missions, myself, etc. But the most impactful thing that I learned is that I need to be a servant. If God can't trust me with the little things like picking up a piece of paper on the floor, or helping out around the house -- He won't trust me with the big things. My ministry has to start now!

God came through for me SO many times this week (as He always does). For one thing, I didn't get homesick. I guess you could say that's part of growing up, and that may be part of it - but I know God had a hand in it! Then there were all the little things that happened that I know was Satan trying to get to me. Like, I locked myself out of my room (and there was only one person on campus with the key). Then my watch died - and it REALLY bugged me to not know what time it was. Just little things like that all week, but God is WAY more powerful than Satan!!! And He came through for me!!!

I met some amazing people while I was there and they all inspired me so much! It was so amazing to me that people could come together from all over the country and become such a family. We all got along so well and just clicked. I guess that's because we are all a part of the same family - the family of God!

It's so cool how much a week can change you. My hope is that it wasn't a spiritual high, but that I stay that way! If you ever get the chance to go to the Big Picture I would recommend it 100% It was wonderful!!!

Taste of Heaven

2006-07-02T19:38:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't posted for a while and I'm sorry. I left to go on vacation for a few days last Friday(June 23rd), and from there I went on to the North American Christian Convention(NACC) we arrived there on Tuesday evening and left on Friday(June 30th).

The days spent there were filled with awesome fellowship, amazing worship, and the chance for my youth group to minister to other teens. We performed two dramas, my friend sang, and a video that we made was shown. What a blessing it was to be able to share in that way!

I feel like the whole experience helped me draw nearer to God, and the worship was like nothing I've ever experienced - God was there! Now that I've had that experience, that's all I want to do - worship God forever! I miss it now, and thinking upon it I've realized that it was a little taste of Heaven. We're going to get to worship God for eternity and it's going to be even better than anything we could begin to experience here on earth. I mean think of the best worship experience you've ever had and multiply it by a bazillion...that's what Heaven is going to be like! How awesome!

Being at the NACC also made me more aware of God's wonderful provision and grace. I'm going to tell the following not to toot my own horn at all, but to share my story of how great God is!

We heard about the NACC in March and learned that there was a competition that we could enter. We felt God calling us to submit audition tapes, and we sent four. We later found out that we had won first place in two categories and second place in two categories. We were extremely excited and thankful. But then there was the issue of money. I mean it costs a lot to go on a trip like this for 25 people. But God provided! We had a car wash/bake sale and through that and the wonderfully generous people at our church we had enough money to pay for all our hotel rooms, food, and some of our gas.

Then once we got there it was such an amazingly humbling and wonderful feeling to be able to minister to others through our dramas, video, and singing. We are so thankful for the opportunity that God gave us, and because we answered His call He gave us a material reward as well. We were invited to a luncheon for the competition winners and at that luncheon the president of Milligan College offered each of us (as well as the other competition winners there) a $2000 a year scholarship if we decide to attend Milligan! What a generous gift and blessing that is!

So here is the wisdom(from experience) that I offer: If you are willing to listen to and answer God's call in your life, and live the life He has planned for you - He will use you to show others His love. And He will bless you in more ways than you can imagine. I mean what could be better than living the life that God has planned for us? I say, nothing!

Roads again?

2006-06-14T00:34:00.000-05:00

I know, I know, I already posted an analogy that has to do with driving. But I just couldn't resist!

I noticed something while driving home from work the other day. (Can you tell that's when I get deep into thought?) I looked down at my speedometer and thought, "I'm going the same speed that I was going on my way to work today, but I feel like I'm going so much faster now!" It was very odd, and I wondered "Why?" I guess the two main differences between the two times were that on my way to work cars were all around, passing me like crazy (come on, I was going the speed limit!) and also that I had somewhere to be; but on my way home I was all alone on the road (again) and I was just going home.

Now, two thoughts come to me from that.

First of all...It seems like when we are SO looking forward to something, or it is very important to us, or when it's stressing us out, it takes FOREVER to get to it. So much longer than if it's not any big deal to us. That's how it was when I was driving that day. On my way to work it felt like I was going so slow because I had to get to work and didn't want to be late! But when I was on my way home it wasn't as big of a deal. You would think it would have been the other way around. I think many times we have that attitude towards Heaven. Things here on earth are so demanding of our attention that we get caught up in them and look forward to them (or stress about them) so much that the anticipation kills us. But when it comes to Heaven, we don't want to get there too soon, and miss out on life! It should be the other way around though. What's wrong with us?

The second thought is...When cars were passing me by it made me feel like I was going SO slow. But I was trying to obey the rules, even though it made me feel like a geek. Lot's of time my life is like that. Especially when it comes to relationships. It seems like everyone my age is dating, and I'm not. It's not so much that I want to date -in fact, I don't really want to date anyone other than the man I marry- but I want someone to love me! When I look at all these people who are 'in love' (even though it may not be true love) it makes me feel like I'll never get there. I'm trying to accept that God has perfect timing, but sometimes I still feel like a boyfriend-less geek.

Check out this great article on the Beauty from the Heart blog about driving and comparing ourselves to others - Focus, focus, focus!

It's odd

2006-06-11T16:05:00.000-05:00

I just realized something odd...This is blog is called "It's Not About Me" and yet the url is http://kelsa.blogspot.com I know this kind of makes me look like I'm contradicting myself, but I'm not. See, it's really hard to find a URL on blogger that's not already used! 'kelsa' was about the only thing not used (by the way, that's my name)

So my point to all of this is...though the URL is my name, this blog isn't about me! It's about God -who loves us all so much that He gave His Son to die- and how wonderful He is!

Yes, I'm still alive!

2006-06-11T15:46:00.000-05:00

But I bet you were wondering if I'd fallen off the face of the earth! I didn't, but my family just went through a move and we were without internet for a while. Then we had dial-up, but we finally have DSL again! YAY!

So that's my story as to why it's been SOOOO long. But enough with that, this blog isn't about me!

I'm exited to be getting back to writing in here!

Valentines Day Contest for Girls

2006-02-09T13:13:00.000-05:00

Valentines Day is a day of happines for many, but a day of sadness for just as many - if not more. But it doesn't have to be a sad day for anyone! Everyone has someone who loves them - even if only God loves us, what love!
I encourage any single young ladies to check out the Valentines contest over at Biblical Womanhood, and enter!
http://www.biblicalwomanhoodonline.com/2006/02/were-having-contest.html

Have a wonderful Valentines Day, and remember - God loves you!!!

The Lonely Road

2006-01-05T17:35:00.000-05:00

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind..." Romans 12:2

Today I was coming home from work, just driving along when I noticed that there were long stretches of road ahead of and behind me that were desolate. There were bunches of cars going the opposite direction, and there were lots of businesses and houses. But for some reason I suddenly felt alone, as if I were on a lonely road in the middle of nowhere.

I was driving along thinking of this, and wondering why I had suddenly felt so very lonely, when I realized something. That brief moment in time had been a reflection of many moments in my life.

There are many times that people are all around me and the world just seems to be buzzing with excitement, yet I feel all alone. All those people are chasing 'the American dream' -- but I'm chasing God. I am different from the world, so therefore, many times I am alone. But it's okay because God wants me to be different from the world, He wants me to stand out.

I know I'm not truly all alone though, there may not be anyone around me, but the road stretches farther than I can see. I know that there are others traveling in the same direction, maybe you're one of them. Sometimes we'll be able to travel together and help each other along. But sometimes we'll have to travel alone. Just know that if we are traveling towards God, He WILL help us reach our destination. Even when there's no one else around, He is traveling with us.

Too Busy for God?

2005-12-18T21:57:00.000-05:00

We all have hectic lives. We've got our academics, jobs, extra curricular activities, church, friends, family -- but what about God? Then you add the Christmas season; we've got gifts to buy and wrap, cookies to bake, carols to sing - once again, what about God?

I know from experience that it's all too easy to get caught up in our lives and forget about God, forget what He's done for us, and how much He loves us. We cram and pack anything and everything into our lives; always making room for a dance class or violin lessons, but we can't make a little room for God.

Sadly, I am guilty of this. I plan my days full of 'appointments' but what does it profit me? Not much. What would a few minutes with God profit me? Everything.

Lindsey Wagstaffe has some great thoughts about being too busy for God. (Read her article "No Time For God" here)

The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe

2005-12-17T22:46:00.000-05:00

If you haven't seen The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe yet – then get up right now, go out and see it! I was VERY impressed, they kept the purity of the story – they could have turned it into a monstrosity, but they didn't.

The musical score is beautiful, it sets the tone for the whole movie and plays off the emotions. The special effects are breathtaking, so lifelike that you feel like you're there in Narnia! The actors roles fit them like a glove.

Narnia made over $60 million it's first weekend in theaters, and so far it has made over $80 million (click here to see exact figures). Hopefully movie makers will start getting the picture, we want wholesome movies!!!

Kudos to the creators of this wonderful film!

Read what Tom Neven, from Plugged In Online, has to say about the allegories portrayed in the film.

“It is in the spiritual realm that The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
displays its greatest positivity. C.S. Lewis intended Aslan to serve as a Christ
figure and for the events that surround him to serve as an allegory for Christ's
suffering, death and resurrection. This film fully embraces those allusions.

A primer on Narnian allegory: Aslan serves the Emperor Beyond the Sea
(God the Father) and yet is also creator of Narnia (compare Colossians 1:16).
Even though Aslan clearly has power over the White Witch, he chooses to work
through human beings to accomplish his will to free Narnia. And he offers his
own innocent blood to pay for Edmund's sin (Romans 5:8)...Most important, he
rises from the dead and the atonement is complete (Colossians 1:13-14)....

Christin Ditchfield, author of A Family Guide to Narnia, offers other
biblical parallels. "All of Narnia awaits deliverance from the dominion of the
White Witch," she writes. "The land itself longs to be free from captivity
(Romans 8:19-21). According to the Deep Magic (or law) on which Narnia was
founded, Edmund must pay the penalty for his treachery with his life (Romans
6:23 and Hebrews 9:22). Aslan is the only hope for Narnia and for Edmund. It is
only Aslan, the one who created Narnia, who can now deliver it from the power of
the White Witch (1 John 3:8)."”

A movie like this being made in this day in age makes me think – maybe, just maybe, there is some good left in the world. There's a glimmer of hope for Hollywood (as an industry), let's fan the flame before it goes out.

If you're a supporter of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe and want to see more wholesome movies like it made, then I encourage you to support it as much as you can. Go see it in your local theater, buy the soundtrack, get the movie when it comes out.

Hollywood is out to make money, we all know that. But movies have great prevalence in our lives, and I don't know about you, but I want wholesome movies on the market. Hollywood isn't going to make movies that don't make them money, and on the flip-side, the type of movies that make the most money is what they'll make the most of. So we have to support the kinds of movies we want to see more of.

I'm just so thankful that such a good movie has been made!

Vote!

2005-12-08T22:44:00.000-05:00

If you've ever read The Rebelution you know what a great blog it is and these guys have been chosen for finalists for the Weblog Awards! Congratulations Alex and Brett!!! Keep up the good work guys!

I'm a little late in posting this, but better late than never right? Time is running out so be SURE to vote for them so they can win that award. They deserve it! Click Here to vote! You can vote once per computer, per day, so vote vote vote!

Also, be sure to check out The Rebelution

Big Plans...In The Making

2005-12-08T22:35:00.000-05:00

I know this blog hasn't had any posts with very much sustenance yet, but it will. I've gotta get these cyber-feet on the ground. I really want to write some stuff that is deep, thought provoking and starts up discussion. But right now I'm at the end of the semester and it's crazy-time, I will have some good stuff up soon though!

I REALLY love writing and am interested in radio broadcasting so I'm cooking up some plans, just stay tuned and you'll find out soon enough.

Question

2005-11-25T13:11:00.000-05:00

Why do you have to be skinny to be beautiful - according to the world?

I don't know the answer to this question, but I often ponder it and I'm determined to find it.

So, over the next few days (or weeks possibly) I'll be praying about the answer, and seeking God's wisdom. When I found out I will let you know, but if anyone has an answer to this question...I'm open.

We're All Human

2005-11-24T20:37:00.000-05:00

This afternoon while watching The Weather Channel I noticed one of their captions said "White Thansgiving"...they forgot the 'k'! I thought it was kind of funny and just showed that we're all human...even people who work on tv!

Thankful

2005-11-24T15:37:00.000-05:00

Seeing as today is Thanksgiving, I've been thinking about how much I have to be thankful for. I have a family who loves me unconditionally, a church family who loves me, friends, a beautiful home, a very full belly right now - I could go on forever - but most importantly I've got my Father in Heaven who loves me so much He gave His Son's life to be with me. Yet, with all that I've been blessed with I rarely take the time to be thankful. Instead I spend my precious moments complaining about all that is wrong in my life, when I should be looking at all that is right.

Conversation

2005-11-23T20:37:00.000-05:00

You know, it's funny how conversation develops. You start out talking about one thing and before you know it, you're talking about something that is totally different. I started realizing this when my best friend and I would be having a conversation and we'd say "How did we get to talking about this?" So lately I've kinda tracked conversation, and it's quite comical!
Just pay attention to how conversations develop, how one thing leads to another...it's very funny.

Muddy Faces

2005-11-22T20:04:00.000-05:00

Have you seen that commercial where the guy is walking along the street, and keeps seeing people with mud on their faces? At first he's really surprised and seems to be thinking “That is weird!” But as he sees more and more people like this he seems to be less surprised; and more comfortable with the fact that they have mud on their faces. Then, near the end of a very odd 60 seconds he sees this beautiful car covered in mud. He walks up to it and sticks his face and hands to the window for a look inside. As he walks off -with mud on his face- you see face and hand prints all over the windows of the car.
Pretty silly isn't it? But when I saw that commercial it immidiatly reminded me of something us Christians do. We could call it fitting in, being normal or conforming; but whatever we call it, it's sin.
We see someone doing something wrong (it could be a stranger, friend, relative, or even on TV) and at first it's appalling. But as we are exposed to this sin more and more we become comfortable with it, maybe even accepting of it. Then, when the chance comes along to do it ourselves, sometimes we do. It just looks so fun or pleasant; and hey everybody else is doing it!We can't be like the guy in the commercial. Just because everybody else sticks their faces to the window doesn't mean we should. We should love the people with mud on their faces; but we should separate ourselves from them and not become accepting of their ways.There may be times we feel like the only one with a clean face; but how attractive is mud anyway?